Good for you for sharing so honestly.

I know exactly the feeling you describe. But my solution is different from yours. None of this matters. I firmly believe that. But that's what's glorious about it.

We get to bring the meaning to life, and not the other way around. The fact that there is no Answer is what makes the question worth asking. This is the soul's high adventure, the wild and frankly ludicrous rapture of flight by unknown arts. It's not a question of hanging in there, of enduring the valleys while you wait for the peaks. It's a question of seeing the two as the same thing, and loving both equally.